Surely everyone knows, by now, it's about Hitler and Goebbels, Black September and Mossad, Chernenko and Regan, Blair and Livingstone?
Propaganda, brinkmanship and jingoism – therein lies the spirit of the games.
If, as military thinker Carl von Clausewitz theorised, war is diplomacy by other means, then the Olympics are a battlefield by another name.
Certainly the streets of London resembled something approaching a fighting zone during the torch relay.
Protesters tried to douse the flame being carried at the time by a rather flustered looking Connie Huq while the Metropolitan Police did their best impression of the Keystone Cops.
Farce par excellence, it was, as the boys in blue (resplendent in amber) and some other slightly more sinister boys in blue tried to protect something no one could see anyway.
All that was missing from the news coverage was the occasional Batman-style speech mark. "KERPOW" and a Guardian reader is tumbled. "WALLOP" as an officer falls off his bike.
"We're not going to back down to protesters", said Gordon Brown.
Well, clearly not. Why would a Government change the habit of a lifetime and start listening to its electorate after 11 years in power?
Personally, I blame the International Olympic Committee. Not just for choosing a former Blue Peter presenter to do a stint with the torch, but for everything.
It is these overweight, over-ripe and unelected men touring the world's cities in gas guzzlers while preaching democracy and fashion policies who have fiddled while the five rings have burned; who have turned the games from something Socrates, Pythagoras and Archimedes were proud to compete in into a symbol of all that's wrong with the world – corruption, corporate bribery, rampant drug abuse and, perhaps worst of all, those hideous weight-lifting leotards.
And that's without mentioning how incredibly dull the whole two-week spectacle is.
Synchronised swimming? Equestrian? Rhythmic gymnastics? 47 track and field events? Are these things even sport anyway? Surely sport is defined by the use of a ball and a potentially rumbuctious crowd?
As entertainment goes, give me volatile protesters clashing with a so-called ring of steel any day.
Or give me the intricacies and jockeying of the international diplomacy surrounding the spectacle. It's easier to understand than all those different boxing catagories.
The sport is a side show. It has been for the past 70 years. The modern Olympics are less Homer, more hormone enhancements; less Daly Thompson more Dali Lama; less Seb Coe 1984, more Seb Coe 2008.
The Chinese games – a propaganda project mired in controversy, international rivalries and protests where the events are of secondary importance to events – will capture the true spirit of the Olympics perfectly.