In some episodes the good robots won, in some the baddies did.

It was unpredictable, and it wasn't fair. Maybe it was a metaphor for life.

I loved that cartoon. Those machines kicked ass.

Summer holidays, Coco Pops, and extreme animated violence. Innocent times.

They made a Transformers film last year.

I don't like films. Boring. The dullest art form except art itself. Just two hours of killed time.

But they don't care what I think. They made a Transformers film.

There was this really hot girl in it called Megan Fox.

She played a character called Mikaela Banes.

Mikaela, I don't think, was in the cartoons. Boys remember girls who look like that – even if they are animated.

A small thing like Jessica Rabbit or a young Marge Simpson not actually existing doesn't stop them being minxish, right?

Jessica especially. She undersold herself when she got with Roger.

But then I had a friend who fancied the bunny from the Caramel adverts. Work that one out.

Attractiveness is a strange thing. Everyone sees beauty differently. It's a cliche but, like most cliches, it's true.

Right now, after her turn in Transformers, lots of people are seeing beauty in Megan Fox.

She was voted the sexiest woman in the world by FHM magazine readers.

Generally, because I'm neither a 15-year-old boy nor serving time at Her Majesty's pleasure, I don't read FHM.

But you have to look at their 100 sexiest women list each year, don't you? It's a national institute – a bit like Page Three girls and losing on penalties.

The first time I saw it was way back when someone like Claudia Schiffer or Cindy Crawford was top. A friend brought it into school and we all crowded round.

Break times, tuck shop snacks, and scantily clad women. Innocent times.

So, this year Megan Fox/Mikaela Banes was number one.

She beat Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba and Keira Knightley.

A decent little list, I admit, but it's...well, a little female-centric, isn't it? Discriminative, you might say, against anyone or anything that doesn't happen to be born a girl.

After more than ten years, the list needs spicing up. Scrap women from the title and open it wide up. Let's have men, objects, buildings, foods, even cartoons in there.

Afterall, if we're talking sexy, I regularly sleep with my iPod, would like to make out with Noel Fielding and still have a small crush on Marge.

And if we're talking Transformers – and I believe I was somewhere up there – I would rather see baddie leader Megatron kicking ass and posing as a car than see Megan Fox kicking off her clothes and posing in her smalls.

Although that one's a close call. Sexy.