They being the army of pundits and commentators who, at about this time each even year, are paid thousands and sent to the most glamorous corners of the world with, presumably, instructions to never say anything interesting or original about the tournament they're covering when a cliché will suffice.
"The world champions have just lost to a team of amateurs from Africa, Mark. How do you explain that?"
"Well, John, it's a funny old game."
Me, I'm not a football fan. Just watching 22 guys expending so much energy on an essentially pointless pursuit makes my muscles ache.
But, just like you don't need to be a Christian to celebrate Christmas, you don't need to be a sports fan to enjoy Euro 2008. It's the peripheral stuff that makes it interesting.
Sticker books, non-ironic tabloid jingoism, supermarket offers on Continental lagers, girls talking about the offside rule – it has something to do with two beer bottles and an ashtray, right?
And, of course, above all else, the clichés.
Germany? Ruthlessly efficient.
Italy? They'll start slow but will be there or thereabouts at the end.
Spain? Perennial under-achievers. It's the Catalonian split.
Holland? Great team but they could self-destruct over the jam at breakfast.
And England? Our best chance of glory since 66. Even the fact we didn't qualify probably hasn't stopped David Pleat murmuring this.
World cups are the same.
African teams – these days packed with millionaires from Europe's best leagues – still apparently play with a smile on their face.
They're defensively naive too, although try telling that to Claudio Caniggia, the Argentinian who, while playing Cameroon in 1990, was on the end of some of the most brutally cynical challenges ever. They're all on You Tube. Fewer tackles, more potential ABH charges. Like a series of surface-to-air missile.
And, of course, there's Brazil.
"What skill. Only a Brazilian could do that, David."
Well, no. The lad from the Ivory Coast did the same thing in the last match but you were saying something about playing bare feet in the shanties, Clive.
It's the same every tournament.
Forget who's going to win – Germany, for the record, it's their ruthless efficiency that impresses – the really interesting debate is which pundit will provide the best clichés.
Since Ron 'The tide is in Chile's court' Atkinson was sacked and Ian let's-have-the-studio-camera-on-him-because-he-goes-a-bit-over-the-top-when-England-score Wright quit, it's an open field.
One guy it shouldn't be is the Beeb's Gordon Strachan. His replies are never standard.
"There goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?" a reporter asked him when he was manager.
"No," he replied. "I'm going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge."
Exquisite.
Truly, it's a funny old game.