PERHAPS its sub-title should be It Shouldn't Happen To A District Nurse – because that's the impression that comes from by Barbara Green and Jean Wilkinson's book.

But, thankfully, it did happen to them. And as a result they have a sometimes hilarious, sometimes poignant, potential best-seller which makes compulsive reading.

Not surprisingly, the Calderdale nurses reveal that they have been influenced by much-loved titles such as It Shouldn't Happen To A Vet for their own memoirs – Ladies Of The Night, which, as they themselves say, "presents a picture of modern-day district nursing which is a long way from the beloved but outdated lady on the bike."

There are also touches too of the Chronicles of a Vicar series by the Rev Fred Secombe (brother of Harry) and hints of Neil Boyd's Father Brown.

And, as other professionals have done, they have changed names and locations to protect confidentially. But this does not detract at all from a saga of entertaining – and often mind-boggling – exploits which see them being called to minister to the health needs of all and sundry. Even on one occasion being forced to give the kiss the life to a patient's over-boisterous dog.

"Everything is absolutely true but didn't happen exactly in the sequence we tell it. We had to protect people's identities of course so we have created the characters from a number of people we have come across or known," says Barbara.

"People keep trying to spot themselves – especially work colleagues," adds Jean.

"But they won't work out who they are because no one character is an exact replica. There are bits of everyone there."

Barbara, who is 62, and lives in Brighouse, recently retired, having worked as a registered general and psychiatric nurse, a state certified midwife and qualified district nurse for 40 years.

Jean, 58, of Halifax, has worked in district nursing for more than 20 years as a nursing auxiliary with top level NVQ qualifications. Her nursing career began in 1968 on the wards of the former Royal Halifax Infirm-ary and Halifax General Hospital. She has "a couple more years to retirement".

Together they have worked on and off in district nursing for many years and the book is a result of their collection of both amusing and sad situations.

"Some have been collected from colleagues and some have been our own experiences.

"Sometimes they've happened when we've been on duty together and sometimes independently," says Barbara.

The result is a collection of hugely readable stories told through their eyes – Barbara uses the name Brunhild ("Don't ask me why. It just popped into my head") and Jean, Janet.

The stories all take place in Calderdale – which has become Wirralsdale – and include the hilarious accounts of encounters with a nudist smoking "a giant roll-up and posing like Clint Eastwood," having to deal with an arrested dog trying to protect his owner as they took a blood sample and being caught in a flash flood which made a local ford swell to the size of Niagara Falls.

At one household they are greeted by their patient (in pyjama top but no bottoms) with a home-made sign (in capital letters), demanding: "Nurses, please put carrier bags over your feet when walking on the new flooring as I don't want it defacing."

And because they are usually working on the "graveyard shift" all the incidents are in the late hours of night.

The idea of a book began to take hold gradually, they reveal as they often recounted incidents to one another.

"I do tend to jot things down but I don't keep a strict diary," says Jean.

"Barbara has written before but revealed she had "to master a computer this time round."

"We actually got the title because it wasn't uncommon to be stopped by police when we were out late at night, driving slowly along looking for addresses of patients," says Jean.

"They'd ask what we were up to and once I just jokingly replied: 'We're ladies of the night, officer'."

The book is dedicated to a former colleague, Yvonne Whitely, as well as Barbara's two dogs, Holly and Jet.

Jet – who becomes Buster in the book – would accompany them late at night, in the back of the car.

They admit to feeling nervous when giving the book to colleagues to read but the reaction has been overwhelming.

"I took in 20 copies to work and they went in seconds," says Jean.

"People have said when are the next lot of memoirs coming on so we'll have to see.

"We've enjoyed doing it though because there has been more than plenty to write about," adds Barbara.

"One thing that did influence us was watching programmes like Where The Heart Is and Doc Martin and you think 'It's not like that at all. Don't these programmes use any proper research?' There are so many blunders, it's untrue."

"Yes, we wanted to tell it how it is," adds Jean.

"We've brought in personal issues too – one of the characters has been given my dad's name (Thomas Hardcastle Brook) and we've set it against real backdrops which did affect us, like the fireman's strike and 9/11.

"That way it has a credible background.

"We just hope people will really enjoy reading it – whether or not they've ever been in the lively business of district nursing.
I have to say, though, it's a pleasure doing what we do because you share in so many people's personal experiences. I hope people who have met us over the years will enjoy reading it too."

• Ladies of The Night by Barbara Green and Jean Wilkinson and wonderfully illustrated by Irene Friend, is available at Fred Wade, Halifax.