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Answer me this, Gail Trimble...
WELL, strictly speaking, they did break the rules so they deserved to be disqualified, right?
It's only fair.
He wasn't a student so he shouldn't have been on University Challenge.
It doesn't take, well, a University Challenge contestant to understand that.
But, then, you have to feel sorry for poor old Gail Trimble – and I don't mean because she's obviously spent her entire youth without ever being introduced to a pair of hair straighteners or an eyeliner.
No, misogynistic comments about appearance aside, you have to sympathise.
She more or less single-handedly wins the contest for Corpus Christi College, Oxford, answering two-thirds of their questions along the way, and then gets the prize snatched from her hands because team-mate Sam Kay is actually an accountant.
He says he didn't know he was breaking the rules but the clue is kind of in the show's title, isn't it?
Now Gail's so upset she's redirecting all press inquiries to the UC Press office.
But here's a starter for ten: does anyone really care?
Well, yeah, they must, because the UC scandal has been dominating the front pages all week – and, lets be honest, it's not because Gail and Sam are any Georgina and Russell, although you'd be hard-pressed to find a more quintessential thinking woman's crumpet than Jeremy. M&S pants and all.
And it's not only the front pages.
Uni Chal has been the talk of current affair shows, the office water cooler (certainly when I'm there), and even – and this is my favourite – Nuts magazine.
God bless Nuts. They've only gone and offered Gail some sum that's probably not very much to pose in her skimpies.
Forget her incomprehensible reserves of knowledge, forget she's been labelled the Human Google and the female Stephen Fry, forget even that her opponents were so overwhelmed by her vast capacity for learning they said facing her was like being in the middle of an intellectual blitzkrieg.
Forget all that. She has breasts, so let's damn well see them in a nice pair of smalls.
God bless Nuts.
Who knows what Gail was thinking to turn down such a liberating offer?
But then she's blatantly not the sharpest tool in the box is she? Not really. Not when you think about it.
It's all very well being familiar with the Gesta Romanorum but when you're captain of a University Challenge team you really should make it your business to find out why the bloke sitting on your right is spending his days at PricewaterhouseCoopers and not on campus.
So, this week's big question: Should Corpus Christsi have been stripped of their winners' title?
Yep, and actually it's Gail's fault. She'll never amount to anything, that girl.
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Saturday 11 February 2012
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