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Jade Goody deserves her musical
THERE'S going to be a musical now.
It will be performed on stage and then, no doubt, there'll be a screening on prime time ITV2.
It will honour her life, raise awareness about cervical cancer and give people the opportunity to pay their own respects by having a good night out or in.
It will probably earn Max Clifford a few quid too – but, of course, that's just a happy coincidence.
"Jade Goody, rest in peace," said a friend flicking through the tabloids. "But won't she let me get some peace, too?"
He'd grown weary of the front pages, tired of the eight-page pullouts. His mum had cancer. The Sun never gave her a front page.
But then she never performed a sex act on a bald bloke called PJ live on Channel Four. At least we presume she didn't. All she ever did was spend 30 years as an NHS nurse.
I abhor Jade Goody. As much in death as I ever did in life.
It would be hypocritical to pretend otherwise.
I wish death on no one – not even a man like John Gaunt who advocates death as punishment – but I wish it least of all on a woman, not too much older than myself, who had two young children.
I sympathise with Jade and her family.
But sympathy and abhorrence are not mutually exclusive. I abhor the July 7 bombers but I sympathise with any man brainwashed to such an extent that he'd choose to blow himself to pieces.
So, Jade, right? She put her whole life (and death) in the public eye and by doing so invited public opinion, good and bad. Terminal cancer doesn't alter that.
I abhor Jade.
I never thought I'd find myself agreeing with Parky but he was exactly right when he said Jade epitomised everything that was wrong with Britain today – a loud-mouthed, under-educated, over-hyped racist who got famous by accident then sold everything she could, including her wedding, family and terminal illness, to stay famous despite not having a single redeeming quality.
Jade-ism is the reason I stopped watching TV. Or it would be if I'd ever stopped watching TV. But I couldn't actually do that because then I'd never get to see Del Boy falling through the bar again. And what kind of life would that be?
But, yeah, Jade represents a Britain that is bullying, self-centred and always in search of exposure.
And someone, somewhere, somehow thought that would be a good idea for a musical? And, actually, I agree with them.
Jade was famous first for being stupid, then for being famous, then for being racist and finally for having cancer.
And because of that she is the iconic face, for better or worse, of mainstream 21st-century British culture.
No one deserves an ITV2 musical more.
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Saturday 11 February 2012
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