EVEN the most reckless gambler would not have laid a wager that Katie Price and Alex Reid’s marriage would last beyond its first year.
It would have been their paper anniversary. But the only papers either of them appear likely to be celebrating are the ones marked “divorce”.
Is anyone really surprised? The model, author, mum and reality TV star formerly known as Jordan was caught by a bigger rebound than a doughnut hitting Homer Simpson’s love handles.
Having wooed and won Peter Andre in the jungle, she proceeded to draw him into the circus that is her life, with cameras perpetually thrust into their faces so she could boost her multi-million-pound lifestyle and astronomical ego with further fame and fortune.
The upshot was that, if you happened to tune in to Katie and Peter: The Next Petty Argument, or whatever stage their relationship was struggling through at the time, you would hear La Price berating him for yet another minor indiscretion, such as tying his right shoelace before his left, or having the temerity to speak before he was spoken to.
So, after two more children were born and subsequently caught in the crossfire, it was no surprise that the pair separated in May 2009 and were divorced five months later.
Neither was it a surprise that she had soon hooked up with another poor unfortunate. And it was no surprise either that, as soon as wedding plans were announced, another bitter split was clearly visible in my crystal ball.
The warning signs were there. In the run-up to her marriage to the cross-dressing cage fighter, Katie (and perhaps she meant it in a caring way) called him a “plonker”. In a sentence akin to: “You don’t do it like that, you plonker.”
In front of many thousands of ITV2 viewers, is this a loving expression likely to help lay the foundations for a supportive and caring lifelong bond? Is it heck. To verbally emasculate your would-be spouse in such a public way is, frankly, unforgiveable.
It was okay when Del Boy Trotter used to hurl the insult in the direction of his weedy kid brother Rodney in BBC comedy Only Fools and Horses. It was a cleverly written sitcom where no one got hurt and Rodders gave as good as he got.
Katie has horses, and in some ways she is a fool. What Katie did next, and after that, made good TV, she undoubtedly thought.
But in the fantasy world of Katie Jordan Price, reality has a cruel habit of getting in the way.
In her “split statement” aired in the national Press, she explained: “Alex’s desire to promote himself caused a change in the dynamic of our relationship and contributed to our alienation.”
What she meant to say was: “He dared to think he was as important as me, when we all know he’s not fit to lace up my basque.
“On me, that is. Or himself, for that matter.”
Pricey, wake up. Instead of hunting for Husband Number Three, go to the nearest animal shelter and buy a cat. It will give you the affection you crave but will be aloof and detached enough not to fret when you throw your latest wobbly.
It may be a price worth paying until you learn to be less immature.