It runs: "When a tree falls in a lonely forest, and no animal is nearby to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Well, does it? Give those brain cells a workout. The answer is at the bottom of this column.

I would like to propose a new conundrum, in the hope that the world's great thinkers will devote some spare brain capacity to it: "If you are walking in a lonely forest and a branch falls from a tree and hits you on the head, who do you sue for compensation?"

Such an incident has just happened to me (except for the important bit about being hit on the head). While out walking in the nearest thing that this district has to a lonely forest I heard a loud crack and, a few yards away, a large branch fell to the ground.

I expected to see men in high-visibility jackets and hard hats carrying out arboricultural maintenance. But the tree had, of its own accord, decided to shed a branch.

It was a startling, eerie and rather magical moment.

But it made me realise that even in a Britain mercifully free of bears, the lonely forest has its hazards.

And it made me realise what a big job the British Standards Institution has taken on…

The BSI has decided to draw up a new safety standard for trees, all of which would have to be checked by a qualified expert every three years (at a cost to the owner of possibly £70 a tree) and tree-owners themselves would have to conduct a "walk-by" inspection once a year.

It is true that only six people a year are killed by falling trees. But that is six people too many, hence the BSI proposals.

The new standard, if enacted, would cover trees in any place where the public had access, or within falling distance of buildings.

It also covers areas where "branch shedding or whole tree failure could potentially cause severe harm or loss of life". Such as the lonely forest…

It all reminds me of a safety panic that took place a couple of years ago. Remember the great Falling Gravestones Scare?

Many vicars were so concerned that their church would be sued if, for some obscure reason, a memorial tablet toppled over and landed on someone's big toe, that they actually instructed sextons to uproot the stones and lay them on their side. The result was that some graveyards looked as if the occupants had risen up and begun a zombie invasion.

Perhaps we will see a similar response from tree owners. Rather than pay fees or heavy insurance costs, they will simply uproot their trees and lay them on their side.

The whole of Britain would look as if a highly selective hurricane had hit it.

Yes, the BSI has really thought this one out.

*Of course it does.