Have a Christmas laugh with parish magazine howlers

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The sermon this morning: Jesus walks on the water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.

Ladies, don’t forget the bric-a-brac sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husband.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say hell to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang: ‘I Will Not Pass This Way Again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their schooldays.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service, the sermon topic will be ‘What is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practise.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5pm. Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7pm there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. Low self-esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

Year 8s will present Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

WeightWatchers will meet at 7pm. Please use large double door at the side.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I upped my pledge –up yours.’