The Old Grumpies: GSOH is essential when dating

Two people on their first date
Two people on their first date

At our recent meeting a member said that he had happened, just by chance of course, to have read some of the descriptions offered in the personal dating columns found in a variety of newspapers.

Stressing that he himself would never do it, he wondered what any of us would say if we ever felt inclined enough to venture into that world.
Here are some of the contributions our members put forward, some claiming it would be on behalf of a friend, but we cannot vouch for their authenticity and it is possible you don’t believe any of them.
We became aware that there were categories of preferences but stuck to the old fashioned ‘man looking for woman’.

WANTED - Wealthy lady who likes whippets, ferrets and pigeons and knows how to iron a flat cap. A dislike of southerners essential.

OVERWEIGHT, overtaxed divorcee seeks car-owning lady with good sense of humour. Please send photograph of car.

IT MIGHT BE IMPOSSIBLE to match my talents, impeccable breeding and good looks but I’m prepared to give you a chance. Any upper class lady, beautifully wealthy may apply and I might condescend to grant an interview.


I AM 4’ 6” tall with some teeth missing, have a bad limp, a wart on my nose and wear a ginger wig. Looking for a lady with poor eyesight and a good sense of humour. At least I’m honest and, by the way, in case you are interested, I’m a millionaire.

LOOKING for people who know I am right, dress badly, have no sense of humour and know how to throw a brick through a window. Contact J.C. at Trotsky Towers.

RED-BLOODED MALE, blue eyes and silver tongued with a heart of gold.
Green fingered and financially going through a purple patch. Would like to meet a colourful lady.

WANTED - Thrill seeking lady who likes bungee jumping, naked hang gliding, downhill mountain biking and rodeo–riding. For immediate contact please ring the intensive care unit at the hospital.

Perhaps the best contribution in highlighting the subject was this appropriate limerick:

A spinster who’d reached forty-nine,
Advertised for a husband online.
The response was quite fast,
She was taken aghast,
For three hundred replies said “have mine”